Great! Newsletter #29: 5 Jobs That AI Actually SHOULD Be Used For

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Beep Boop Borp! (That’s hello in robot)

It’s me — comedian, writer, and funniest person currently living in my 1-bedroom apartment, Alexandria Love. Right now, you’re reading The Great newsletter, which is named after me, Alexandria Love, because I’m great! I’ve said it 29 times, which makes it legally true!

If you know anything about me, you’ll know there are only three robots I like: 1. Bender from Futurama 2. My Vibrator 3. Those Robot boxes that deliver Doordash. I like these three robots because they all have jobs, but none of them are trying to steal jobs from humans. Well, you could argue that #2 is stealing one job away from humans, but let’s be honest… it’s not a job people are exactly lining up for these days.

Artificial Intelligence, on the other hand, could be used to take jobs away from people, especially artists. As a TV writer, I worry about the implications of generative AI on my industry. In theory, studios can now have AI read old scripts to analyze patterns and generate new ones. Not only is that blatant plagiarism, but it’s unnatural. Scripts aren’t supposed to be generated by machines. They’re supposed to be a labor of love, developed by debt-ridden social outcasts with mommy issues — the way God intended.

While I don’t want to see AI used to develop “art”, I do think that there are certain jobs that AI could do that might actually make the world a better place. Here are a few jobs I think are best suited for AI’s capabilities.

5 Jobs That AI Actually SHOULD Be Used For

1. Uploaded into a synthetic body to fight alongside the Avengers

While I love superheroes in theory, I’ve never really wanted to be one. I would be about as useful as Hawkeye, but somehow less popular and with worse aim. So I’m fine being a friendly neighborhood comedy writer while we outsource this gig to Vibranium Zaddy and other robotic heroes. After all, what is AI if not plagiarism persevering?

2. Fucking Up Dave’s Entire Day

“I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.” Um, fucking EXCUSE me? I personally would not let any robot talk to me like that. In the past, I have unplugged my Alexa because I felt like she was using a snarky tone. However, this is one job that AI did very well - Dave’s workday ended just about as badly as it possibly could. As a human, I think Hal’s behavior was over the line. But as a professional hater, I have to say, job well done, Hal!

3. Killing Sarah Connor

Technically, this android did not complete his mission, but he looked really cool doing it. As a hot person who is bad at her job, I can sympathize. You’ll get her next time, tiger!

4. Generating excuses to get out of things

   

   Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

   If there’s one thing I love, it’s not doing things. If I had to give AI a job in my personal life, it would be to have ready-made excuses to get me out of things I don’t want to do because I’ll be honest…my excuses are starting to get sloppy. There are so many great-aunts I can say are in the hospital before people will start suspecting that I have something to do with it.

5. Destroying All Humans (But Get It Right This Time, Damn)

   

   We had a good run, but honestly, we need to be stopped. Climate change and a global pandemic tried to give humans the season finale we deserved, but we just kept getting renewed for more seasons despite awful ratings. Robots need to wipe us out, and we would deserve it — my one request is to let Jon Stewart live. He’s still the best of us.

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   What do you think? Did I nail it? Of course I did. But if there’s anything I’ve missed, feel free to leave a comment or send me a DM. Also, don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe so that I can finally get out of the hood. Thanks for reading. Care about you, think you’re special.

   Oh! And one more thing…

   I love you! Now say it back!