Great! Newsletter #26: The Official AAVE to Corporate Translator
As they say in the hood, "Hi, Felicia!"
Hey bud!
It’s me - comedian, writer, and Guinness World Record holder for most times any human has smashed their pinky toe against a coffee table, Alexandria Love. Right now, you’re reading my newsletter, The Great! Newsletter, which is named after me, because I’m great. I plan to continue doing these newsletters every other Monday until I get canceled — hopefully, this will be the one that does it.
One thing I DO NOT miss about being Black in corporate America is having to constantly code-switch (a.k.a. switching between different dialects to match your environment, i.e., people of color in traditionally white spaces). We do it a lot so that we don’t make white people uncomfortable, regardless of how fun and rewarding that is for us. And now, with the rollback of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion practices in so many companies, Black people might be even more inclined to code-switch just to survive.
In honor of February, known by the U.S. Government as (REDACTED) History Month, I thought I would help bridge the gap between AAVE and corporate America with this crash course. And to everyone who will say, “Alex, I can’t believe you just fixed racism!” I’d like to quote a hero known throughout Black households, Elle Woods, when she said, “What, like it’s hard?”
The Official AAVE to Corporate Translator
Let’s say you’re wearing a funky new outfit or showed your Black coworker a picture of your new partner with a “great personality.” Your Black coworker might say,
“If you like it, I love it.”
It translates to Corporate American as…
“While I can’t say that I would have forged the same path, I respect your commitment to your individuality and wish you the best in Q2 and beyond.”
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Now, let’s step it up a notch. Let’s say you’re in a tense conversation with your Black coworker, and they drop this gem:
“Do I look like Boo-boo the fool to you?”
It translates to corporate American as…
“My apologies, but it seems as though we’ve come to a fatal misunderstanding regarding my identity, as you mistakenly ascertained that I am Boo-boo, the Fool™. Failure to divert course may result in unwanted complications. Best wishes as we work together to resolve this matter.”
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Next, let’s do a fun one. Let’s say you’ve corrected your outfit from the beginning, or you finally started dating that fine-ass honey from accounting. Your Black coworker sees this and says…
“I see you!”
It translates to corporate American as…
“Congratulations! You’ve exceeded all expectations for this fiscal quarter and as a result, all of our stakeholders are extremely impressed with your progress. Please enjoy this pizza party as our way of saying, ‘Job well done!’”
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This final is a bit tricky, but I used it all the time back in the day. Let’s say that, regardless of context, your Black coworker looks at you with a soft, tired smile and says…
“Hmm.”
That translates to corporate American as…
“Thank you for reaching out! Unfortunately, I’m currently out of office.”
What do you think? Did I nail it? Of course I did. But if there’s anything I’ve missed, feel free to leave a comment or send me a DM. Also, don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe so that I can finally get out of the hood. Thanks for reading. Care about you, think you’re special.
Oh, and one more thing…
I’m trying to get through all of the Best Picture nominees this year before my next newsletter. Which one of these do you think I’d like the most?