Great! Newsletter #11: "Let's Ask Alex...About My Career Change!"
I've had a lot of jobs, so I'm pretty much the expert.
Hi there, puddin’!
I’m comedian, writer, and certified freak seven days a week, Alexandria Love. You’re reading The Great! Newsletter, which I’ve named after me, Alexandria Love, because I am Great. Every other Monday, I’ll send something Great to your inbox that will make you say, “Damn, she sure does talk a lot.” It’s not my fault, I’m a comedian…this is what we do!
Speaking of which, let’s talk about jobs. We all know that “careers” are a myth created by Boomers to make Millennials more submissive. While having a job has become a necessary part of life, it should never be the only thing in life! Sure, my career is important to me, but I always leave room for my enrichment activities like pilates, rowing, and standing on freeway overpasses dropping eggs onto passing cars. I’m pretty sure that’s what “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” was about.
Career planning can also be stressful, especially when you’re making big changes. But fear not: as usual, I have the answers. In today’s edition of “The Great Presents: Let’s Ask Alex,” I offer invaluable advice to one of my millions of subscribers. I, of course, solved all of his problems. Maybe it can help you too?
“Hey Alex!
Long time fan of your newsletter. So honored to get to read Great writing from a Great American like yourself! I, too, consider myself to be a Great American. I was hoping you could help me out with a little situation I’ve got going on in the office. I’ve been working at my company for decades, but I’ve only held my position for the last four. It was difficult moving up the ladder - in fact, on the day I was supposed to be promoted, a former coworker had his friends break into the office and try to convince the board of directors not to hire me! “
Okay, I think I see where this is going.
“Excuse me? “
Nothing. Please, continue.
“Well, I got the darned job anyway and I’ve been doing it with mixed results since about January of 2021.”
I get it. A lot of us switched careers during the pandemic. Wait, when you say “mixed” results, what do you mean?
“Well, about 38% of people think I’m doing a good job.”
So you have a 38% approval rating? That’s not great, man. Agent Cody Banks has a 38% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. You’re basically the Agent Cody Banks of your job.
“Okay, you don’t need to rub it in. Also, I have access to your computer and bank records. I know for a fact that you saw Agent Cody Banks the weekend that it came out. Twice. Anyway, despite me giving this job my all…they asked me to step down. They said I’ve outgrown the position and want to bring in someone younger.”
Ah. I’ve been there. That’s showbiz, right?
“Tell me about it, sister. I feel like I gave everything I had to this job, and now I’m just expected to give it up and walk away so that my successor can have a ‘peaceful transfer of power.’”
Well, if I can be honest with you, anonymous reader…I think you’re doing the right thing. Your actions helped preserve democracy. In today’s uncertain times, it’s the least that someone with your amount of power can do. Besides, I’m sure the person they hired can do the job. It’s not like they just fell out of a coconut tree!
“You’re right, Alex. The preservation of democracy is a worthy endeavor, and I’m honored to have been able to uphold it for so long. It’s a heavy burden being weekday night manager at the Taco Bell Cantina in Times Square.”
What? I thought this was…wait. How do you have access to my computer and financial records?
Hello?
Hello??
Do you think I gave my anonymous reader good advice? I personally think I nailed it, just like I do everything else. Do you have a question that you’d like Alexandria to answer? Comment below or send a message, and I’ll answer it in the next “Let’s Ask Alex” column!
Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share with your friends so that everyone can see how great I am. Care about you, think you’re special!
Oh, and one last thing…
Hey, did you hear that Twisters had a big weekend at the box office? I bet it’s because they took an amazing premise (a Twister), and multiplied it by two. Genius! I came up with a few sequel ideas in that same vein. Which one of these masterpieces would you abuse the AMC Rewards System for?
