Great! Newsletter #12: Little Known Facts About History's Greatest Leaders
Who's the POTUS with the Most-us?
Top O’ the morning to ya!
I’m comedian, writer, and current front-runner to be Kamala Harris’ Vice President, Alexandria Love. Right now, you’re reading my newsletter, which I’ve titled Great! It’s named after me, Alexandria Love, because I am Great! Every other Monday, I’ll send something Great to your inbox that will make you say, “Wow, this is really funny, but I hope this girl starts going to therapy.” And my response to that would be, “Who are you, my parole officer?”
Speaking of people being charged with crimes, let’s talk about history’s greatest criminals: politicians. Politicians are right at the top of the list of jobs dumb people think they’d be great at, but smart people tend to avoid — along with police officers, club promoters, and whatever Eric Adams thinks he’s doing.
However, there is one politician that stands out: third-party presidential candidate and the final boss of nepo-babies, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. The former penthouse apartment for parasitic worms recently dropped another bombshell that he dumped the carcass of a dead bear cub in Central Park ten years ago. He also apparently tried to dump the mother and father bear, which were too heavy…but the baby bear was juuuust right.
RFK Jr. isn’t the only politician who has faced controversy. Thanks to the historians at the Great! Presidential Library, we can examine some little-known political facts throughout history. Some of these may be shocking!
President Abraham Lincoln claimed to be 6’4'“, but was actually only 5’10”, making him the first American president to lie on his Hinge profile.
President John Tyler is currently the president with the most children. He will retain this title until 2034 when America finally elects President Nick Cannon.
President James Buchanan was the first (and only) president to remain unmarried throughout his entire term, leading some to believe that he was our first gay president. This makes him the first president that we can assume would be a fan of Chappell Roan. Slay, queen!
President John F. Kennedy was the first American president to “have that dawg in him.”
President Grover Cleveland was the last president to use gas lamps in the White House before the discovery of electricity, making him the first president to “gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss.”
President Rutherford B. Hayes was the first president to have a telephone in the White House. Scholars believe that he sent the first ever “U Up?” text.
President George Washington was known for being overly harsh with Black servants in his employ. When asked about this, he said, “I’m not racist - some of my best slaves are Black!”
And finally…
President Bill Clinton was the first president to cause a long, awkward silence during a conversation at my family dinner in 1997.
Oh, and one more thing…
Donald Trump recently made headlines when he said that Kamala Harris “became Black” in recent years to pander to voters. Becoming Black was a difficult decision for me and my family - I really only signed up for tax purposes, and to retain my subscription to Essence. So I wanted to ask you: Why did you decide to become Black? (And if you’re not, just pretend.)